got up this morning in good time, got things to do today… only to find terry already up and puttin’ finishin’ touches to a blog entry! eey! i made him a fresh cuppa and helped him out with bits he was stuck on and made sure his little satchel was packed ready for the day. he’s gone to work with marty again where he’ll be safe, bless ‘im.
‘ello, havin’ a bad day i am.
got back from telly mag interview with no joy, apparently they don’t like swearin’ in reviews. fuck ’em.
went to get me pork pie for me lunch i’d been savin’ and it’d been half inched.
found terry sittin’ on the bed with crumbs round his mouth and gave ‘im a right bollockin’.
bit later i saw his notepad what i gave him for christmas, so he could write stuff down so he don’t forget things, and saw this:
THE DAY OF YESTERDAY I WENT OUT INTO THIS TOWN OF YOURS THAT IS LONDON SO I COULD GO AND SEE THE BIG BOTTOMS I WENT TO GO SEE THE WATCHERS OF THE WEIGHT BUT GOT THROW OUT FOR MY MAKING THE NOISE AT APPROPRIATE MOMENTS ON THE TUBE I ENGAGE INTO A TALK WITH A MAN AND ASK OF HIM WHY FOR I GET THROW OUT OF SUCH A THING BUT HE PLACE HIS HAND OVER HIS WALLET AND LOOK IN ANOTHER DIRECTION I GROW ANGERED AT THIS DISPLAY OF THE NO RESPECT AND I DID DO AN WEEWOO UPON HIS SHOE I WAS STILL OF THE LAUGHINGS WHEN I EXIT FROM THE TUBE AND I SEE THE OTHER TERRY – HE LOOK SAD – SO I TOOK HIM WITH ME FOR A BIT AND WE SHARE A FOODINGS WHY FOR YOU ON YOUR OWN? I SAY I GOT ME LOST HE SAY NO ONE DOES WANT TO BE HELPING ME HE SAY SO NOW I GROW ANGRY AGAIN AND SAY THIS LONDON IT IS A BAD PLACE – LET US GO TO THE HOME AND DO WATCHINGS OF THE DVD THE OTHER TERRY – HE SAY YAY!
TODAY I AM HAVING THE HOME TO MYSELF JEB HE IS GO FOR TALK WITH AN TELEVISION MAGAZINE IN AN PLAN TO DO THE REVIEWS FOR THEM THE OTHER TERRY HE IS GONE OUT TO UP THE ROAD FOR TO GO AND SEE A COMIC MUSEUM – HE HAS THE CORRECT DIRECTIONS WE HAVE MADE SURE – AND JEB HE GIVE THE OTHER TERRY SOME MONEY FOR TO GET AN BURGER KING AND A TOY – HIS LITTLE FACE WAS SO HAPPY I COULD SMILE! THIS LATER ON I WILL GO MEET MY GOOD FRIEND WHO IS WILLEM WHO HAS JOB IN THE CITY DOINGS I KNOW NOT WHAT BUT HE IS MOST AMUSINGS OF HIS DAYS I GO NOW TO BREAK MY FAST
I ALSO THINK THAT A SOMEONE HAS RETURNED HERE AT THIS HOME – I GO SEE WHO
HELLO – I AM HERE POSTING THIS HERE FOR YOUR EYES AND YOU WILL READ IT AND YOU WILL LIKE IT OR THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE WILL BECOME UNSAFE FROM MY ATTENTIONS
LAST NIGHT I WENT OUT WITH THE OTHER TERRY AND I SHOW HIM MEXICAN FOODINGS BUT HE COULD NOT WRAP A BURRITO! AND SO IN THIS MANNER HE SHAME ME GREATLY
ON THE BUS HOME THERE WAS A FAT LADY AND I SAY TO HER LADY – YOU ARE SO FAT! AND SHE SAY HOW DO YOU BE DARING TO CALL ME SUCH YOU LITTLE THING OF SHIT AND I SAY LADY PLEASE – I HAVE NOT REPRESENTED MYSELF IN THE MANNER I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT – YOUR ARSE IS THE BIGGEST I HAVE YET SEEN! AND SHE FURTHER WENT INTO A NOT HAPPY FRAME OF MANNER AND SAID WORDS THAT I HAVE NEVER HEARD COMING FROM A WOMAN MOUTH BEFORE SO I WAVED MY PAWS IN A CALM DOWN STYLE OF THING AND SAY MADAM – YOUR ARSE – IT SOOOOOO BIG! IT LIKE A DREAM ARSE! YOUR BIG FAT BUM I WOULD DO YOU UP!
I BECAME AWAKE AND SOME TIME IT HAD PASSED – THE OTHER TERRY HE GOT BORED WITH THE WAITING AND DID A GRAFFITI ON AN BUS STOP AND HAD DONE STEALINGS OF MY TOBACCO
WE GOT TO THE HOME AT FIFTY PAST THE THREE AND THE JEB HE WAS OF THE ANGER BECAUSE OF THE LOSING OF OUR KEYS
got chatting in the pub to a right lairy geezer yesterday, already fifteen pints in apparently. turns out though he works in childrens telly… probably a blue peter presenter as far as I know, couldn’t care less if i tried. he was telling me how easy it is to get into reviewing shows for mags and papers and all that so i had a search around and got me an interview. i’ll probably end up freelance ’cause, well, sod the lot of ’em. i ain’t a nine-ter-fiver, i’m a free bloody spirit and they can stick their arses close to tequila terry if they’ve got a problem with that. point is, i’m reviewing telly stuff now. touch me if you want to.
’bout time I had my own space to vent and fume and kiss and fondle… woaaaaaarr!!
what’s new, you sausages?
me… well now, as ever i’m at home twiddling my paws wonderin’ what on hecking earth i can get up to while i’m on my own. i see there’s plenty of shoes to dump in but lately i’ve been feeling that this just isn’t enough to fill my life full of joy. i’ve eaten all the food they’d been saving, i done a wee in the plant pot, i taught tequila terry a new swear word that was strangely absent from his universe and i also used marty’s credit card to buy porn and sent it to his mum.
been watching repeats of life on mars recently, that was all right wasn’t it. terry doesn’t see the appeal but he wasn’t around in the seventies like what i was so stuff him. he’s out with marty anyway, probably being pimped out for small change by now.
pippety pip, you slags. be lucky!