Mar 27

Big in London

It’s not often I go to the pub and see an old mate of mine. It is however quite often that I go to the pub.

There’s this guy I know, he’s called Mr Big (for no other reason than he’s quite small). And he drinks lager, but y’know, he’s a mate so I let it go.

Was telling him about all the audio stuff, podcasts and whatnot I’m up to these days and he just doesn’t get it. He even frowned when I took his pic!

“You gonna put that up on that internet, then? Fahkin’ ‘ell. Whassat thing, that thing, that thing, that dongle? Ha ha haaa!”

And on he went.

After half an hour I realised why it’d been so long since we last met up.

But yeah, lovely fella.

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Mr H Big Esq

Mar 25

It’s Not Easy Being Sexy.

But somehow I pull it off… hahaa!

Hello, cheekies, what’s occurring in your worlds today? I’m relatively happy this morning as I strolled out into this fine blustery day, damaging knees and shins of those who don’t have the spatial awareness they were born with.

I stumble into a bus stop and see that they’re advertising the James Bond DVD with myself in the image, which is nice. Especially because I wasn’t in the fucking film in the first place! But I guess they’re trying to stay in my good books for some reason.

So what’s on for the rest of the day? I have no clue. Suggestions, pies, beers… all welcome.

Now, give us a kiss!

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Mar 21

The Bear SE5

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I am at a pub called The Bear. Ha ha haaa! Next time you’re in a pub called “The Human” take a pic and say to yourself, “I’m in a pub called The Human and I’m a human!! LOL-Kong!”.

The beer had the aroma of feet but tasted okay.

Mar 21

Sapphire and Steel Have Been In My Ears

While I’m sitting here drinking coffee and eating massive KitKats I am also listening to the outstanding Big Finish first story in their Sapphire and Steel range. I’ve heard season three but this is the first time I’ve listened to the first episodes of season one.

My word, this is the good shit.

Even the cat seems calm as if she knows that this is important, that this means something to an ol’ teddy bear like me.

Loved this show when it was on telly and am loving the new production immensely. I hope they do more, the end of season three was a blinder, I need to know what happens next!

If you have any interest in this then get onto Big Finish and get this in your lovely ears!

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Mar 20

I want to punch slow walking people in the back of the knees.

Given that I’m roughly 1/6th the size of you, give or take (depends how much dinner I’ve had) a lot of people just can’t seem to operate their legs at a speed I like to refer to as a normal walking pace.

There is no such thing as walking in a straight line, the times I’ve weaved left and right trying to pass someone as they farted about in a kind of dreamlike zig-zag manner as if they’re trying to escape extremely slow bullets is epically frequent.

There is no such thing as being able to walk while operating a mobile phone, texting or talking – it’s all the same. It’s as if the brain goes, “Hold on! Gods! I’m engaging in social interaction here, legs you may lose some degree of performance while this process is in effect.”

And for those of you who are walking towards me and actually see me but still walk into me anyway, you’re all spatially unaware retards! The concept of moving slightly to one side is a skill only I seem to possess. If I don’t move out of the way far enough and you collide with me I will now throw bricks at your head until you fucking apologise!

I could go on but I need a beer.