Mar 01

As We Shift Towards Next Year

It’s the end of the world! 2012 is approaching with the hobbled gait of a determined but very drunk assassin.


With any luck we’ll all be destroyed before the land is suffocating under the weight of loads of people in shorts running about a bit being all athletic and suchlike.

It seems to me like the Olympics is having the same effect similar to that of a bunch of teenagers realising that their parents are coming back off holiday today and the house is a wreck.
I’m often walking by scaffolding after scaffolding, site after site of repairs, demolishing, rebuilding, jazzing up, renewing… plentifold extravagance that leaves me confused and still sober. So before I walk through the hallowed doors of my local for a pick-me-up or two I stare at the cranes and the gobbing builders and just shout, “Oi! Nuffing wrong with it. Piss off.”
I can’t see the point of it all. The air is filled with drills and hammers and swearing and big builders vehicles rumbling and hissing through all the hours and putting me well on edge.

Telly coverage is already picking up and will soon fill our senses with no room left in life for other, more noble pleasures such as shouting at Eastenders or watching The Sweeney and then running round the house pretending to shoot at scumbag crooks before banging your knee and trying not to cry because you’re a grown up now and your mum is in another county.

And with the coverage growing, we’ll also get to see more of that bloody awful logo. What a bloody mistake that was! Back in 2007 after the unveiling of this gobstrosity, early indications were a little poor:

“We’ve had a huge reaction to the launch of the new logo – most of it negative.”

And in most recent news, hopeful that the organisers will finally take the bloody hint and change the damn thing:

“Iran could boycott the London Olympics after claiming the Games’ 2012 logo is “racist” because it resembles the word “Zion” – a biblical term for Jerusalem.”

So to summarize: Fuck it in the ear.

Feb 12

Kinda, Drunked and Stuffed

The benefit of living with a Doctor Who fan and podcaster is that I can secretly indulge in my own little worship of the show. I reckon my secret’s safe! Just watched Kinda, 5th Doctor story, which I actually remember from my youth. Due for release on 7th March The Mara Tales is looking mighty fine so far! The Biggest let down of the first tale, Kinda, was the rubbishy puppet snake at the end but… there’s a CGI option you can watch that is frankly flippin’ excellent. The Mara at the end looked bloody awesome! I had to have a strong cup of coffee and a ciggy to calm myself down. Brilliant!

This makes up for my night at the pub last night. As anyone who has read The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse will know, drinking for our kind is a tricky affair because, as recorded quite accurately in that book, our legs get drunk and trying to stand on your head so the booze reaches it is fraught with peril and threats of being barred. Which is what happened to me. Went to a pub in the city and it was full of suits and estate agents and iPad wielding tossbags. Trying to balance on my head at one point got me a shove which pitched me to the floor and then the swearing kicked in and I broke someone’s ankle.

Time… for a bacon sandwich while I wait for my local to open. They love me there.

Jan 28

London In The Grip Of Another Financial Buggering

A fucking cable car.


Yes! Because that’s what we need! More pointless spending of millions to connect people to a couple of places for the fucking Olympics!

It’s brilliant that we’re in so much financial trouble and businesses, libraries, pubs, shops, homes are being lost that we can spend a good few million quid on something completely frivolous like a fucking cable car.

Fuck the Olympics right in the ear. Cancel it, get the money back and stop wasting our fucking lives!URL: